IT IS TIME TO GO BACK AND STAY BACK!!

#5

The older I get the more I feel myself pulling away from the things that matter most in life. I begin to put more importance on mundane things that only gives pleasure for a while. Anytime I think about how far I have pulled away from Him I begin to feel bad and it ends there. I don't do anything about the situation to change it, I just say ‘oh well, since I have already gone this far what then is the point of going back’. I know that if I go back to Him at anytime He would be happy and ever ready to accept me because I have a feeling that He still loves me and still has great things for me on this earth, otherwise I wouldn't still be here. And that is the problem. I have taken His grace for granted and failed to understand that His word says ‘Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? Certainly not.’ I have become too relaxed and carefree about His works because I know that whenever I come back He is ever ready to accept me with outstretched arms. I have lost focus of the ultimate goal and I have started chasing things that a year or two from now would mean absolutely nothing.

I want to go back, but how? What is the assurance that if I go back I wouldn’t fall back after a while? Would things still be the same? Will He still love me as much as he did before I left? I miss Him so much. I miss those nights when I had no one to talk to and I would just lay on my bed and feel His presence. He didn’t have to speak to me to make me smile, once I felt His presence I get consumed by an unspeakable joy. I miss that. I miss that a lot

I know that going back is the easy part because I have done it countless of time. The hard part is staying back; there are a lot of distractions out there that keeps pulling me away from Him and I have always put those distractions before Him even though I know He would never do that to me. I miss Him a lot nowadays, I have fallen too deep and I need His help. He is the only one who can lead me to where I am headed. I am ready to go back to Him right now because I have searched and found that no one else, even my mother, can love me the way He does. I am ready to go back and stay back. All I ask of Him is that He gives me the strength and the grace to stay back because I am only human and I am weak and lost without Him.