MONTH REVIEW|| A REVIEW OF THE LAST EIGHT MONTHS

#10

August 26, 2017. Wow how this year flew. We are less than 5 months to the end of this year. Now, 2017 hasn't been my best year, it also hasn't been my worst. If I had to describe the last eight months of this year in one word it would be Trying. These past 6 months have been really trying, I consider it a test, God has tested me throughout this year, put me through a lot of difficult situations, made me grow, made me realize that this world is not as rosy as I always thought it was, and most of all He has made me see that even though I am going through all these, even though everything isn't working out for my good, even though some days I feel like He is not here anymore, he has made me realize that He is still here and He still loves me.

I have not been able to post the blog for some months now because I have been too busy with school and life in general and when I finally got back home my laptop started having some issues. So shout-out to my baby sister for giving me her laptop to blog.

I have missed this, you know, being able to put my thoughts in words. I have missed it so much, some days I just lay in bed aching to type something, aching to tell the world what happened to me today that broke me emotionally or what made me so happy that I couldn’t help but cry. These past few months hasn’t been the best for me, but I can’t deny the fact that God has seen me through it all. He has picked me up countless of times when I have fallen, he has given me reassuring words that even though I may not feel good right now, as long as He is here, as long as I am in his hands, everything is going to be alright.

The main reason for this post is to basically list out my best and worst moments since the beginning of this year. Now bear in mind that even though it may seem like I have more ‘worst’ moment that ‘best’, I have learnt a lot from all the bad things that have happened to me this past eight months. So here goes

·        So to begin with, the best thing that has happened to me throughout this past eight months is good health. You can never underestimate the power and the importance of having good health. We all see good health as normal, something that we deserve. But let me tell you guys something, it’s not. I would expatiate more on the importance of good health later on in this post.

·    The 2^nd best thing that has happened to me these past few months would have to be academic success. Now for you to fully understand why I am really excited about this part I would have to give you back story. Anyone who really knows me would know how obsessed I am in getting good grades and being among the top in call. Yes OBSESSED. I am not creative, not good at talking to people because I am always too shy and well I don’t think I have any talent, so when I found out back in senior secondary school that I loved reading and that I could read for hours nonstop, I decided to apply that in my academics and that how it all began. Back in SS2 I would wake up by 2am to start reading and it always paid off whenever I saw my results. Now fast forward to when I got into the university, I had this deal or vow with God that I would do everything he asks me to do, abide by his words, and also read like my life depended on it, if and only if he lets me graduate with a certain CGPA. So I have been doing my own part of the bargain of the bargain or vow, lol, and God being a wonderful and generous God as he is, has been keeping to his promise. Everything was going smoothly, I was gradually getting to my desired CGPA that boom out of nowhere I was hit with the worst result of my life, my 400 level 1^st semester result. I was shattered. I was divested. I was lost. I still remember the day I got it, I almost cursed God to be honest. I felt that he didn’t love me anymore, I felt like I had done something wrong. That was one of the worst nights of my life. I lost hope, I started being unserious, reading less, watching movies more and most of all I stopped praying and believing in God like I used to.

I know you are probably wondering when I get to the good part. Okay so when it was time for my 2^nd semester examination, I went back to God, prayed to him that he forgive me for backsliding, prayed to him to still keep his side of our vow and I started reading more. I still remember the one verse of the bible that always kept me going throughout that period JEREMIAH 29:11. ‘For I know the thoughts I have towards you, saith the Lord, thoughts of good and not of evil to bring you to an expected end”. That verse made me realize that though the road may not be smooth, though I may fall sometimes, though it may seem like nothing is working out for my good and that all my efforts are in vain, God is always there just by the corner waiting for me, waiting to give me an expected and glorious end.

So fast forward to almost three weeks ago, a month or so after I had finished my 2^nd semester’s examination. I woke up around 3am, picked up my phone, went through twitter and Instagram for a while and then finally decided to check if I have any message on whatsapp. On opening whatsapp, I was hit with messages from five of my friends that read the same thing “Results are out, have you checked yours”? Immediately I started crying, I lost faith, I started hoping for the worst and wished I hadn’t woken up so early. After constant reassurance from some of my friends to man up and just check it, I decided to do it. So With tears in my eyes and disappointment already in my heart, I finally decided to check it. And lo and behold I was blessed with the best result I had ever had. I had never up until that moment cried tears of joy. Words cannot honestly describe how I felt at that moment. Jerimiah 29:11 came back to me. I kept on reciting that verse and crying. I couldn’t wait for my dad and my sister to wake up to tell them the good news. So, yeah, that was the 2^nd best thing I could say happened to me. God brought out good news from bad news. Sorry it was that long, lol.

·        Now another bad thing that happened to me early this year but also thought me a very very big lesson or should I say lessons is this. So early this year I decided to vie for the position of vice president in my faculty. Now let me be honest, I do not like politics. I hate the stress, the betrayal and the constant backstabbing that comes with it. The question I keep asking myself till today is, why did you do it? And till now I still can’t find the answer to that. I was hoping on writing a separate blog post on this but since I am in the mood already, why stop it. So anyways, I ran for the post of vice president in my faculty and I lost by 11 votes. Yea, I know that I could have just said I lost without saying how many votes I lost by, but chill I have a reason for doing that. The election period was one of the most stressful period of my life, I admit that I am lazy and that any little thing stresses me out but this was different. It wasn’t fun, I felt like someone was forcing me to do it, like I was a puppet being controlled by someone else, I started doing the things people wanted me to do instead of the things I wanted to do and I started focusing less on my academics, I guess that would explain why I had the worst result ever that semester. Let me not bore you guys with all that, but during that period I leant that we all need people and that nobody is an island. Up until that election period, I had always had this idea that I can do anything by myself without the help on anybody, but everything changed. I got to realize that I need people as much as people need me. So that what I learnt from that and also that I am proud and I need to work on that. 

About 3 days to the D-day, when I couldn’t take the stress anymore, I decided to go to the only person who knows me more than I know myself. GOD. I went to Him and prayed just one prayer. I told him that I was not going to do anything again, I told him that I put everything in his hands and that if it is his will that I become the next vice president of my faculty then so be it, but if not, then let his will be done. That was one of the hardest prayer I had ever had to pray, because I LOVE winning. I still remember when they were counting the results, I went to the back of my faculty building to cry my eyes out, by now you should know that I cry a lot, lol. After crying for over thirty minutes I decided to go back, on getting there my friends came to hug me, one was even crying and I had to console her because she worked so hard for me during my campaign. Strange thing is that, since that time that I went to the back to cry before the results were announced, I haven’t cried again because I lost an election. To me I didn’t lose, God’s will just had to be done. Remember JEREMIAH 29:11.

·        This is a very hard topic to write about and I am already crying as I am typing this. So, few months ago my mum had a major surgery. I have never cried so much in a month as I did in the month of June. I would wake up crying and go to bed crying. I would be in class on my own and from nowhere tears would fill my eyes. I thought my mum was going to die. I just couldn’t imagine my life without her. My mum and I aren’t that close but she is still my mum and I love her so much. God really tested my faith in the month of June and I failed him. I stopped attending church, stopped praying as much as I did before. The time I should have used to praise God for the things he had done and the things he would do, I would use it to cry. All I did was cry and cry and cry. I just couldn’t stop crying. It was as if I didn’t cry I would die or I would explode. I just felt the need to cry. After the surgery it was one complication after another and I just kept on crying. In July, I finally went to see her and it was. No, words can’t describe how I felt when I saw my mum. I couldn’t cry in front of her because it would break her. I had to be strong. When I saw her it was as if I was looking at someone else, I kept on wishing to wake up from what I thought was a dream. I had to smile and talk normal around her, which was very hard because all I felt like doing right there was cry. After like twenty minutes of holding it all in, I had to excuse myself, go to the balcony and just CRY. You know all those silent cries that you can’t let out because your heart is just too heavy for your mouth to utter any sound. Hot tears were rolling down my eyes and my heart was heavy, that was not my mum I had just seen, I kept on wishing it was a dream. Thinking and writing about this moment is just really hard, my keyboard is covered in tears right now. I need to stop.

All in all, I thank God. My mum is getting way better. I spoke to her last week and she sounded almost like her old self, I couldn’t help but smile. I know that for sure God is going to bring her to her expected and glorious end. And I know that she is going to be with me when I get called to bar because she was with me on my first day in the university, she was with me with I started my nursery, primary and secondary school. I know that God is going to keep her till the end to see me become a lawyer, to see me and my sisters get married, to see her great and grandchildren. JEREMIAH 29:11

·        A LOT has happened to me these past eight months. A lot. But in all I thank God. I still have over 4 months left. God is not yet done with me and my family this year. There is this saying that “Its always darkest before dawn” I now know that my dawn is coming very soon. God is definitely testing me and building me into a stronger woman. This year has made me grow. Even though I cried a lot, there was always a lesson I took out of every situation and I thank God for that. So, September, October, November and December my birthday month, please be good.