WHY DO WOMEN ALWAYS GET THE SHORT END OF THE DEAL IN THE MARRIAGE? || MY FEAR OF COMMITMENT AND MARRIAGE.

Marriage; the one thing a lot of single ladies dream of.  Yes, I know, I said single ladies. In my opinion; which is what this whole blog post is based on, men do not really dream and obsesses over marriage the way ladies do. I think this obsession can be linked to the mentality girls were brought up with, to think that marriage is an achievement and any woman who fails to get married at a certain age or at all, irrespective of all the amazing achievements she has acquired in life, is a failure.

At an early age of nineteen, an average girl is already planning her life, who she would get married to, how many children she plans on having, where she would live with her husband and all those other things that seem so important to ladies and not so important to men.

Ladies are wired to believe that if they do not get married in life then they have a flaw, a problem, that no man was able to find them attractive and that they have failed in the one thing they were put on this earth to do. With this huge burden resting of her shoulder, she rushes to get married to anybody, and I mean anybody, who is willing to get married to her even though the feelings are not reciprocated.

The whole essence of this post is to speak on my overwhelming fear of commitment and marriage. I know this may sound strange, or maybe not, but the thought of marriage scares the crap out of me. The thought of having the share the rest of my life with another human being terrifies me. The thought of waking up to the same face, the thought of living the same routine life and most especially the thought of having to always be there for another human being doesn’t make me all happy and hopeful as it makes most people.

In all honesty, I have no idea where this fear came from. Marriage is supposed to be something that brings joy and happiness to people but to me the reverse is the case.

Not to sound like a feminist, (which is, quite frankly not a bad thing) but, women always seem to get the short end of the deal in marriages. As a married woman certain things are expected of you, you are supposed to not only cook, clean and take care of your husband, but also to do the same and more for your children. Even as a woman who does the same 9-5 job as her husband, the society expects her to, after a stressful day at work, change out of her work clothes and her ‘housewife’ clothes and do the work of a ‘wife’.

She is expected to make food for a man who come back from the same work as she just did and is now in the sitting room watching football. She is expected to help the children (not her children, but the children that belongs to both her and her husband) with their assignments. she is expected to bath the children, wash and iron their clothes and also the clothes of her husband or should I say ‘man baby’, and if she dares complain or ask her husband to help you out, she is seen as less of a ‘wife material’

Speaking of ‘wife material’; no two words pisses me off as much as these words. Once a woman is willing to sacrifice living the life she actually wants and dropping all that to take care of an ‘ungrateful man’ she is seen as a wife material, somebody worth marrying.

Why is a woman’s worth determined by the amount of crap she is able to take from a man.  Why is it that once a woman finally sees the light and decides to speak up for herself, for her rights she is seen as a ‘nagging wife’ or a ‘lazy wife’ or nowadays a ‘feminist’.

Feminist a word that should be praised, a word that should be used to glorify a woman who has finally decided to seek for equality between her and her male counterpart, is now a word used to disregard woman.

Our society, which is 100% patriarchal, has no regard for women. they want a woman to be humble, to be willing to bend over backwards for her man to succeed, and if she dares decides not to or tries to question the whole system, the word ‘feminist’ is thrown at her in the most disregarding tone.

Women go through so much, so much pain and sacrifice and all for what? For an ungrateful man who wouldn’t think twice before he jumps into bed with someone who is almost half your age. For a man who sees you as a tool, a help who should be willing to do everything he tells you to do without questions.

Now I might sound like someone who has personally experienced or been in a marriage where I had to sacrifice a lot and have finally seen the light but thankfully I haven’t experienced such. I am speaking from the point of view of an observer. I have seen marriages where the woman does practically everything in the house, she cooks, cleans, takes care of the children and her husband. The man does practically nothing. He goes to work by 8am and the wife goes to work by 10am. They both come back by the same 6pm. He immediately proceeds to the bathroom to freshen up while she clocks in at her second job in the kitchen.   

Ever wondered why women age faster in marriages than men? This is because why she works all day, the man only works from 9-5 and comes back home to rest.

Marriage is supposed to be a partnership, not a master- servant relationship.

Another thing I utterly despise is when a man is bold enough to say that because he provided for the family financially, the woman is supposed to be the one taking care of the home solely. Who the hell raised these men? And then it pains me even more when such a man doesn’t provide for the family solely and the woman still has to chip in and by chip in I mean pay 50% of the bills. Some men would say ‘I do not want my wife to work, let her just take care of the home and the children (oh God, let me not meet such a man). If you want such a wife, you could as well just have married a house girl or an illiterate. Do not marry a girl who went to the university, graduated with a good grade and has a bright future for herself just to tell her that you want her to be your personal house girl under the façade of a marriage.

I just have to add that not all men act this way, some men are actually caring, understanding and willing to share in the burden of taking care of the children and the home and I am glad I am lucky enough to know a few. It gives me hope about marriage and most especially in the future of our patriarchal society.

These and many more might be the reason why I fear getting married.

I am the kind of person who hates feeling cheated and the way marriage is set up, especially in Nigeria, the woman almost always gets cheated, always gets the short end of the deal. She sacrifices her time, does all the work in the house and also goes to work. This might be why very few women go far in their careers because after a while of working two jobs, (one at home and one at her actual place of work) she gets tired and decided to choose one because even the bible said ‘you can’t serve two masters at the same time’. And as a ‘woman’ she is most often than not, going to pick her children over any job.

Now I do not know the way forward, maybe it is to marry an understanding husband or to not get married at all, because when you really think of it, a man can be really understanding while you guys are still dating and turn into something else when you finally get married.  I just wanted to put this out there that marriage is not always fun for women.

As women we could all decide to take care of ourselves for once. Don’t say ‘because I am a woman’ I have to sacrifice this or that. Is that what you were put on this earth to do. It is time to stand up for ourselves, put ourselves first because at the end of the day, when the chips are down, the only person that can truly love you is you.

Thanks for reading and I hope I was able to change a girls perspective on the whole ide of marriage for good.

I apologise for the length of this blog post.

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