March 30, 2017
So guys last night the story was all over Twitter about a certain "Ibadan" guy who took a girl out on a date, spent less than Four Thousand Naira on the date, and then got angry when the girl refused to be in a relationship with him. Instead of him to take the rejection as a man and move on to the next girl, he decided to come on twitter to throw shade at the girl, calling her mad, hungry and a broke ass. He was angry at the fact that the girl agreed to go on a date with him and then refused to be his girlfriend when he asked her to be his girlfriend. The girl seeing the guys’ tweets and realizing that the guy was obviously referring to her even though he didn't cc her, immediately transferred the sum of Five Thousand Naira to him and told him to keep the change.

When I got to school today my friends and I argued over this matter for over two hours which made me a little bit agitated because I hate arguing even though I am law student and everybody believes that all law student love arguing. So as expected all the guys supported the guy saying that why would you go on a date with someone and then refuse to be in a relationship with the person when the time comes. Another male friend of mine said that if you agree to go out on a date with someone, it also means you must agree when the person asks you to be his girlfriend or when the person asks you for sex. He also said that a girl should not agree to go on a date with a guy when she has no intention of dating him at all because that is equivalent to giving him false hope.

On the other hand, all the girls disagreed with the guy’s line of thought, stating that you can decide to go out on a date with a guy with the mere intention of getting to know him better even if you have no intention of dating him. A date is just a way of getting to know more about a person and there is no law that states that once you agree to go on a date with a guy it means you are willing to be in a relationship with that guy.

In my own opinion and from personal experience I don’t think you have to say yes to a relationship with someone after going out on a date with the person. You can go out with someone, have fun, see a movie, go to the club, have lunch together and still be able to turn the guy down when he asks you to be his girlfriend. I have gone on dates with a lot of guys that I had no intention at all of dating. I basically go on dates with people either because I want to know the person better to see if we can become friends first before I can think of being in a relationship with them or because I have nothing doing at the time.

There are some guys and I have witnessed this countless times, that would keep pestering you to go on a date with them with the hopes that it would lead to a relationship. I am pretty sure that the ‘Ibadan’ guy had been disturbing the girl to go on a date with him and when she finally said yes he concluded that she would also say yes to being his girlfriend. That is plain foolishness. What I do for such guys is that when I finally decide to go on a date with them, I tell them straight up that I am not interested in any relationship right now and then I go out and have a nice time. If after the date they keep disturbing me to be in a relationship with them, I immediately remind them of what I had earlier told them. A lady should not be forced to be in a relationship with you because you took her to see a movie and then bought popcorn and a drink for her. Please when did that one start?

Guys should just learn how to take rejection without being a child over it. If you want a girl to be your girlfriend, you have to work for it. Don’t just take her out on a date irrespective of how expensive the date is, and then conclude that she has to say yes to being your girlfriend.
So I know a lot of people would have different views on this matter, so tell me what you think in the comment section. Does the mere fact that you agreed to go out on a date with someone mean that you are also agreeing to being a relationship with that person? Should you refuse to go on a date with someone if you have no intention at all of dating the person? I would really like to know what you all think.  

1 comment:

  1. Interesting topic I must say. I will like to itemise three factors that can lead to this kind of issue.
    1. Level of maturity of the man(boy)
    2. The vibe created by the girl IE green light.
    3. The intention of the man(boy).

    Dates are supposed to be an avenue to bound, know if there is chemistry and also know the character of the individual a bit while you have fun and make memories. Its not a time to propose relationship or friendship. The best friendship or relationship proposal are done in actions and the response also in action and then you can ask the question with ease knowing that you will not suffer rejection. Even if there is rejection, you will get cogent reason for such rejection and friendship will be preserved even with such rejection.

    ( For girls).......
    In our African society, women tend to believe a man is supposed to be the provider, no matter the level of the man and that's one problem. You can't have a 'boy' still under his parents or guardian and you expect him to provide you things even your father will not do for you and when your father can provide such, Will think twice or even question you what for.
    It is normal For a guy interested in a lady to want to prove his worth by wanting to present her with gifts or take her on date. In same vain, a woman can also show a guy that the gift you are giving me is great and I can also do that for myself.
    All this depends on the guy you are dealing with.
    If it's a student, Don't let him take you where he will break the bank IE get broke after the date. Show him you know the value of money and you won't want to waste money unnecessarily. Show something more than just wanting to go out. Even if he is the arrogant type that like to show off, show some real woman value. Women are known to preserve and save.
    You can also show your worth by covering at least 5 percent of the bill. It's show you are not dependant.

    Secondly, Do not give a man or boy who you can see is head over heels signal of interest until you get to know him. That does not mean be rude. If he is coming very hard, slow him down by telling him "I don't even know you yet". Let his mental Faculty be constantly reminded that you two don't know yourselves well yet.
    You need to make the rule clear from beginning and be firm in your words and actions. Do not lead him on by giving green light.
    Men have alot of ego. They don't like rejection. No body does actually both men and women.
    When you set boundaries, the man will never feel rejected, he will only take it as a challenge and will do more to provide himself and show he actually wants the woman. All that depends on if you have something to offer which he can't find any where else. You can't be empty and add no value and expect a man with value.
    Refusal or withdrawal after giving a green light will only get a lady enenmity and sometimes even hate rape.
    Be careful of your actions and inactions.

    (For the men).....
    Expecting a relationship after a date or numerous dates is just childish. It totally shows you have other motives. If a man really wants a woman, he will take time to know her and know if she fits his personality and the kind of person he wants to be with.
    A matured man will always want a woman who he will have something valuable with, even if it eventually did not end in marriage, he would have been able to make a good impact in her life. Unless he wants to hit and run (just for sex).
    Show a woman your real self, care love and respect, you will have her loyalty for ever... Well that is if someone with better value does not show up in her life, then you will be the king of her world.
    Don't always think of sex or talk about sex. It's a no go area. The more it comes up, the more the woman will question what you are actually after.

    General it all depends on maturity of the individuals, the intention and the self value of the parties involved.

    By, secret number one fan...


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