July 09, 2017
She was never like this. I mean I knew she was lazy but not to the point of not being able to fight for life again.

She is different now. Weaker, tired and anytime I look into her eyes I see hopelessness. She doesn’t want to fight anymore. She enjoys the pity, the constant “sorry” from people as she wallows in her shame and misfortune. I wish she would fight harder, I wish she could see what awaits her outside, I wish should could understand how much we miss her, I wish she was never in this situation.

I do not recognise her anymore. This cannot be the woman who raised me. The woman who raised me is stronger and would not give up so easily. She has completely lost hope and all I can do for her now is pray. Pray that she gets stronger. Pray that she sees a reason to fight for her life. Most especially pray that she is healed completely.

I can’t deny it, I miss her, I miss her so much that it hurts. We were never really close, we fought a lot, and I always thought that she hated me and I her. Now I know better. Now I understand the saying that you would never know the value of a person or thing till it’s gone. I know she is still alive but it’s not the same anymore.

When people see her they say she is getting better, she is strong, she is such a fighter, but when I see her laying on that bed I see a woman who has given up. I see a woman who enjoys her current state. I see a woman who enjoys the sympathy she is receiving from people. Now I know that I may be wrong, I know that to me she might look like she has lost hope but meanwhile she hasn’t. I just miss her that’s all.

I just want to be able to talk to her whenever I want. I want to hear her laugh again even though she rarely laughs. I want to see her move again. I want to see her be HER again. 

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